It’s like that I have lots of ups and downs. I am not sure if it’s normal although I don’t feel my life as normal. There is Covid pandemic, a new university, a new country, a new educational system, new people and a new language. In fact, nothing is quite the same.

At the beginning I thought that maybe there is something wrong with me because I cannot make friends as I used to do in my country. Maybe my abilities are not good enough. But now that the Corona pandemic red zone is finally over and I have had the chance to meet new people, I don’t feel the same.. The experience of being alone and lonely during the pandemic has given me a new perspective on social connections and meaningful relationships. I am still sociable and friendly, I just didn’t have a chance!

These new things help me learn more about myself with. For example, the other day I found that sometimes I just need a tiny simple chitchat, asking another person how he/she has been doing, to know about their day, to tell them about my day. As simple as it sounds. It might be weird, but now I even feel grateful for having small talks with the Pakistani salesperson in the grocery store next to my house. Maybe Covid has made me to feel so, or maybe it’s the fact that I am here alone and so distant from everyone that I knew. I have never seen these aspects of myself.

Now that I am writing to you this, I have already experienced how it feels like to be lonely. It did not kill me, but it was not easy as well. Some people say that it has even given me more strength. I still don’t know. It might be too early to judge that. All I knew for now is that it is only me now. I am the one who should take care of myself. I am the one who should be there. The one who never leaves me. The one that I should care about.

It’s a whole new different chapter of my life. So many question marks, so many new things. It’s a mixture of ease and hardness. Now I wonder how I might feel while reading this 5 years from now. I am not scared, though. I feel like I am living within all of my fears. Living it and I still feel alive, even in moments of feeling alone and lonely.

Have you ever felt lonely? What did you do? I am really passionate to know …

(6 months after moving to Europe …. )

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If you want to read more of my thoughts, check out Diary category