My personal story as an Iranian abroad during War with Israel
This is my personal story how do Iranians feel about Israel during the recent war. I am an Iranian abroad with my Iranian family and friends under missile attack in Tehran. It’s human aspect of a war that is never covered by media. (This is Part 3 of my personal stories. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here)
I can’t believe it’s been a week since Iran Isreal war and it’s still going on. Before Israel attacks Iran, my life was normal and then everything change in a very short time.
Am I gonna lose my family? Are we gonna lose our apartment? Should I go back to Iran or Should I stay here? If I go back what happens to my partner in Germany? if I stay abroad what happens to my family and friends?
These questions keep coming back to me.
The first few days I couldn’t stop crying. Now I cry less, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay. I feel more distant from my surroundings. Other people are still living their lives, planning their weekends, being stressed about their jobs, dating, and getting heartbroken, while my struggle is if my loved ones will survive or not. This is the most basic human right to worry about. I feel like I can’t relate to other people’s struggles. They all seem like bullshit to me now.
I feel more isolated from inside and outside. I am so lucky to have people around me who show support, but at the end of the day, it seems like I have to go through this pain all by myself. Maybe being with my family could have lessened this pain as they’re also experiencing the same thing.
How the iran israel Fighting Feels From Abroad
I feel so weird about Germany now. They militarily help Israel. This means the taxes that are paid from my salary are now turning into bombs over my family and friends. But that also goes for majority in the world. Most of the countries support Isreal.
It’s one week that I have constant stomach pain. It’s hard to eat because usually I feel so full even though I had only one meal the day before. If I force myself to eat more, I get nauseous.
Since yesterday, the internet is cut out in whole Iran. Making calls from abroad is also blocked. All the flights are canceled, and there is no way for me to reach out to my family virtually or physically. Well, maybe I can go crazy and go to Iran by road. Probably I should fly to a country near to Iran and then pass the borders on land.
Everyone told me that would be so dangerous, and I guess it is.
The plan is to live my life day by day now. Everyone needs to do that, even my family back home. I miss them so much.
If the war continues, I should probably go back because it’s madness to stay the whole time away from them. I am already like a zombie; I don’t see it in myself to live my life here while they’re constantly in danger.
If the war finishes, I still want to go back, but maybe not with so much rush. I want to think about the ways I can contribute to rebuild my destroyed homeland.
There are so many things going on in the news. Someone says something, but then they take it back. Or one guy with a ginger head needs to decide if he wants this war to turn into a disaster or if it should finish soon. One decision that is not in anybody’s control but can affect our whole lives.
I used to watch a lot of videos on YouTube about cooking or some reality shows. Now I skip every video that is not about Iran or Israel, to the point that YouTube doesn’t suggest anything else other than those.
When I see a video of someone showing their lifestyle, I feel disgusted and think that it’s just some kind of crappy unreality that is like living in a fantasy.
I feel so tired physically and mentally. And it drains me so much how fucking different everything is abroad. There are some of my close friends who haven’t reached out to me or asked how I’m taking all this.
I imagine the main reason is because they don’t check the news regularly. I’m at the point that I have no fucking energy left to even reach out and explain the whole shit.
Even if people are kind and nice to me, they still don’t get how I’m feeling until they experience it. Just like us who never understood Palestinians.
Today was 40 days after the death of my cousin. She died of cancer at the age of 44. My family and I were supposed to get genetic tests to see if we carry the same genes so the doctors can prevent cancer. Now it seems so ridiculous. Maybe there would be no need for prevention and we will die by the Israeli missiles over our heads.
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