Currently, that I am writing this, I am suffering from a lockdown here in Italy. When I was coming here; I was hoping to make friends and to engage with a new society. But here I am, no university classes in person, no trips, no cafes, or any other kinds of social or fun activities. What can I do? I am struggling with loneliness, lack of a sense of belonging, homesickness, and anxiety. With having it all, it is difficult not to feel depressed, even so I am trying not to. I don’t want it to happen.
There is no opportunity for me to meet new people and make friends. I feel like I have no friends here. Actually, I thought I have, but I think I was wrong. There are people I am in touch with, but I cannot call them friends. I define friendship as a relationship in which both parties can talk, understand, and be understood while being loyal and honest with each other. And the truth is that I don’t have any here yet. I am really fond of having deep conversations with people to discover their world and to know them better. And Surely I like to be discovered too. I should admit that I need to be discovered and understood.
I don’t know, maybe things get harder when we get older. When I was younger, I used to make friends only by asking if another kid is willing to play with me or asking his/her name. However, I just recently found out that it is very difficult for me to make friends as an adult. Maybe it is because that most of the people have already made their friends. Imagine that I was still in my home country. I didn’t need to meet new people and make friends as much as I feel to do so now. And maybe that’s the case for many Italians here too. I have seen many people gathering together, laughing, and talking. Sometimes it feels like that I am standing on another side of the line, where they are not. How can I move to the other part? What is the secret to being welcomed in their community? Like to be one of them.
It broke me to find out that I couldn’t make good friends during these five months despite all of my efforts. But anyway, I still hope that I can make through this crazy part of my life too. They say powerful people are the ones who adapt themselves to fresh changes in life. I am doing my best. You need to know that I am doing my best. You should know that despite all of my efforts; it is not going easily. I am not just sitting and complaining. I am making efforts but never have I been lonelier than now.
(5 months after moving to Europe …. )